User Content Friday: You Suck and This is Why

Today we have the first part of a two part series from Archnomad over at Skavenblight.  If you can't tell from the article title, Archnomad wants to help you... no, really!  Haha I keed, I keed.  We picked this article because it does actually point out a lot of the rules mistakes that people get tripped up on... and drastically alter the way the game is played.  Its also hilarious.  Right, so take it away, Archnomad...

The matter at hand is why you suck. Simple WHFB beginner mistakes. Some of you vets might even make these, it's a new edition after all and everybody has to learn. So here's some of the common errors I see in WHFB. I should say, this article is tailored to new gamers, because from the feedback I've gotten about this blog a lot of competitive 40k players seem to be jumping on this and waiting expectantly for me to teach them competitive WHFB. Whatever. So I decided it's much easier to do a "What not to do" than a "What to do" article, so here goes.

Where in the World is Lantz: Driving The Ambulantz

Hey, look at that ludicrous thing Lantz is doing.  Doesn't that just beat all?  ...can you tell I'm writing this without having seen this week's Lantz picture?

Yes, but you're pretty spot on.  What Lantz is doing IS ludicrous. Here's the picture to round out our Thursday tom-foolery - Lauby

 Lantz sez: [it was] A busy week involving drinking, sex, shenanigans, 

more sex and some 3D glasses.

Speaking of embarassing, it's time for this week's not at all shameless grab for filler content contest and we're playing by Dave of N++'s rules.

This week Dave wants us all to stare into the abyss our souls and come up with our most embarrassing moments in gaming- you know, that critical dice roll you failed that still haunts you, that time you managed to knock over your entire army like a bunch of dominoes, or when you went all aggro on somebody and burned down your FLGS. Ok, maybe you shouldn't share something like that last one, but you get the idea.

To get the ball rolling, Dave is going to let it all hang out and share his own personal moment of utter fail:

When I was younger, in one particularly brutal team session, I was alpha striked by two Imperials down to just a Farseer. (My ally was Nids and we were playing on a 3’ x 8’ table – the long way; back then we gamed however we could. They didn’t need to worry about the nids for a few turns)



Still wanting to be able to help lead to the 5 words that would come back to haunt me – “Want me to guide anything?” This is still referenced during any spectacularly fail moment that occurs in our games.

Now we don't want to leave Dave hanging out alone, naked, and in the cold with his embarrassing story.  Let it rip, share your most epic fails in the comments sections.  Who knows, you may be the next person to abritrarily win a shakily designed contest that you weren't even aware you had entered.  Shit, maybe there's even prize support- is it too soon to whisper free iPad*.


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*For your generous donation of $599.99 to help support the HoP in this pledge drive season, we will automatically throw the contest, if there is one, in your favor and send you an iPad.  What's that you say? You could buy an iPad for that money; the entire donation would be blown in one swoop.  Well that's your problem buddy.

The Weekly Top X: Now with 50% More Commentator

As a result of the last Top X we did, Brent and I got cocktails named after us.  Not to put too fine a point on it, but we now have high expectations from all of this weeks featured authors.  Like maybe some of them will get Brent and Lauby tattoos or re-name there kids after a fictional character of our choosing.  Our Cult of Personality grows larger each day!

In less insane terms, the response we get to the Top X had been growing and its the kind of thing that keeps us warm at night.  So thanks, everyone!

#6:  The HoP readership

Here's to hoping our egos don't get crushed and here's this Wednesday's Weekly Top X:

Extra Announcement- Members Index Page. Must Read and Comment!

We've got an extra special announcement for you guys today.  I know that we usually save those hijinks for Mondays, but this week at HoP we're moving some things around in a big way to improve our ability to promote your site. 

K.Blas, author of one of my favorite blogs, Painting with Coffee, volunteered to undertake a major project for the HoP.  I'm particularly stoked about this since it's not just an amazing display of selfless community spirit*, but it's also something that Lauby and I were not looking forward to doing- and did I mention we really think this is going to help you out?

Starting pretty much right now, k.Blas will be taking charge of indexing all of our member's pages.  He'll be putting together a page with an alphabetical list of all of your sites and is even going to include a brief description of your site.  Please leave a brief synopsis of what your site  is all about in the comments thread of this post and we'll be sure to add it to your entry(ies).  Don't think of this as so much a way to pigeonhole yourself, but really to rock your search engine optimization.

What are the final entries going to look like?  Not sure really, we're leaving that in Blas' hands.  He proposed something like this a few weeks ago:

Dethtron

Dick Move

Asshatery, Rock and Roll

That looks pretty solid to me, although I think you should add in the game system(s) that you write about.  Just keep it to short 1 or 2 word tags and we'll see what we can do to help you.  Your entry may then look something like:

Dethtron

Dick Move

40K, WFB, pants, Asshatery, Rock and Roll


 We'll obviously have everything cleaned up and not centered on the page (it's just easier to call attention to the entry style here).  If you don't have anything in to us by this time next week, we're going to have to brand your site ourselves.  Not only is that a huge pain in the ass, but we think you can probably explain what you do better than we can.  Do yourself and us a favor and submit your own synopsis.

The join us page will be updated shortly to include this information as an entry requirement.

Thanks for helping us out with this everyone, especially k.Blas, and I'm looking forward to reading your responses.

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*Though it may sound like it at times, I can assure you that we at the HoP are neither Hippies nor Communists.  That said, if you would like to donate any free love, Trabants, or granola to our cause, please contact us.

The Monday Update - October 10th, 2010

No creative titles today, I'm afraid.  Unless Dethtron wants to snowmobile this bitch and add one.  Stranger things have happened.  Let's just get right into today's business.

Article submissions:  We still need these.  Please keep sending them in.  Seriously.  SRSLY, even. Is it that you guys are afraid?  Are you fearful that your blogging peers will be driven into fits of blood-minded homicidal rage and, in lieu of killing you, will make fun of you?  If it is, please stop.   Stop the fear.  The House of Paincakes is a warm, nurturing environment.  Much like Harry Harlow's surrogate mother experiment.  Dethtron is the wire surrogate mother and I'm the cloth one.  You all are the infant rhesus monkeys taken from your mothers...  wait...  No.  Let me try again with some flashing (for the FireFox users amongst you) red text.  Nothing awful or threatening about that:

PLEASE SUBMIT ARTICLES