Important Stuff

Monday, December 27, 2010

New Member Monday - Two for the Money

Hope you all had an enjoyable holiday season so far.  I know I have.  Not much going on this Monday aside from our two brand spankin' new HoP members.  Though their membership anniversaries are gonna be a downer in about a year since their both Xmas babies.  We'll probably try and roll their gifts into Xmas due to the proximity of the dates and all their relatives will get them ornaments and crap like that since old people have a hard time telling the difference between the birth of Christ and any other event that happens around the same time. Oh, speaking of Xmas - everyone gets a double dose of essay this week.

New Member Monday

The Dice Gods Hate Me
Keywords: Warmachine, Hordes, Malifaux, Firestorm Armada, Dystopian Wars, other games you're not cool enough to have heard of
Essay: I don't know that I am God's gift to the internet, but I am interested in the Animal Sexual Magnetism and heightened metabolism that you claimed we possible if I joined!

Ineptus Mechanicus
Keywords: 40k, ADD, Jesus impersonation
Essay: A essay of 500 words or less explaining why I'm God's gift to the Internet, huh? You said your probably not going to read it? Well ok... in that case.... I dressed up as Jesus for Halloween so not only do i think I'm God's gift to the internet I think I'm God's gift to the world... that work for you guys? In all seriousness and humility I don't think I'm Gods gift to anything, just a hobbyist looking to pimp his and others blogs a little... but I really did dress up like Jesus for Halloween!


Sunday, December 26, 2010

[Weekly Whimsy] The Skin Trade

[Welcome to Weekly Whimsy! Wishing your and yours wondrous winter warmth and winging wit on warrior women and what they wear.]

Red Sonja is awesome.- Dethtron


Really, what can I say? At some point, I have to go to the obvious material. I've been trying to avoid the topic for some time, hoping to come up with some wise & witty commentary regarding the elephant in the room: women in fantasy art.

Screw that noise.

I only have a few comments in regards to the De rigueur damsels en dishabillement. No, they're not terribly consistent or logical. I never said I was consistent; just opinionated.

I "Get" It.


Friday, December 24, 2010

User Content Friday - Living in the Era of Internet Advice

Here's something nice by Brent of Strictly Average fame to put in your Xmas stockings   It's a nice little piece on the dangers of dogma, what anecdotal evidence counts for and why daemons are underrated.  All with that classic Brent flavor you all know and love. 

Sometimes I wonder how much we're capable of learning from blogs and forums.

It can be a bit depressing. There is so much information out there, but it can be difficult to sort the wheat from the chaff, so to speak. Leaving that out of the equation though, I think we put ourselves in too much of the argument.


I replied to comments made about Daemons in this thread (comments have not been ported over) Paul S says that Daemons work best when:

a) Your opponent doesn't have a clue how to properly deploy
b) Your opponent still believes transports and tanks do not dominate 5ed
c) He does not take three Preds and five Razorbacks
d) He asks you what target priority means
e) You roll a lot of sixes - he rolls a lot of ones
f) Your reserves don't arrive turn four
g) you are allowed to control the center of the table
h) Your opponent thinks that he can go H2H with Daemons and prefers to attack rather than shoot
i) You are satisfied with a draw or minor victory 

So he's basically saying a Daemons player has to play an idiot to win. All things being equal, luck and someone who doesn't know how to play are what is required for me to do well. Please note, this is not an attack on Paul S. It seems like he is venting a bit, or trying to make a point. Still, this seems to be the overwhelming opinion.


Thursday, December 23, 2010

Where in the World is Lantz? - Parachute PLantz

Last week there were no Lantz pictures.  It might have had a lot to do with how Lantz and I may or may not be the same person.  Either way, illness was involved.  Don't worry though, the crushing guilt he felt after a bearded crazy man who was 'sensuously' licking his lips Dethtron filled in for him was enough to send him into a Robert Mapplethorpe frenzy picture taking.  We got a whole month's worth this time around.

Here's one of them now:

Conveniently, this also doubles as his entry for  last weeks not at all shameful grab for filler content contest.  Which he did not win. 

Props for the presentation, but hipsters are lame (fixed gear bikes and all) and thinly veiled game mechanic metaphors for necrophilia are... something else.  Not that I don't think necrophilia isn't a fertile ground for humor - I just think the verb 'porking' could have been worked in.  Though that face is credit card commercial priceless.


Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The Weekly Top X: Founder's Day

Brent had a nasty case of Real Life this week so Dethtron is gonna fill in for the first ever Founder's Edition of the Top X.  Should be a good time -  it's part Top X, part Dick Move with just a hint of "we killed a man in Reno just to watch him die".

Or is that Flounder's Day?  HA!  I kill me!!
1)  Blood of Kittens - Best of 40k 2010: The Blogs
Lauby: I was a big fan of Tasty’s best-of’s last year and it was a genuinely pleasant surprise when I popped over there the other day and saw a new crop of them springing up. Its always good to see lists like these composed by someone with a critical eye.  Though I like this one best because our totally rad and cool blog was all over it.
Dethtron: Yes, you’re right Lauby, those are all HoP members. Soon the world will bow before our might...
Lauby: MUHAHAHAHAHA. In all deadly seriousness though, it’s super cool of Tasty to give us an honorable mention on top of all the support he gave us during our own roll-out.
Dethtron: I guess I’ll allow it. Even though he didn’t nominate Dick Move for best blog ever.


Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Who says I can't?

Me and Fluff Nazis don't get on very well. There's a good reason for this...

They're wrong....


And need to be brutally murdered*

*Okay, maybe not the last one**
** Well not all of them anyway...

Perhaps a vague justification for this opinion is needed...
In the dim and distant past I wondered into a Games Workshop store and after a bit of inane banter that I didn't really understand, I left with a shiny new Chaos Space Marine Codex. After careful reading of the fluff I decided I liked the whole idea of renegade Marines and it being near my birthday I was gifted with a Space Marine Battle Company (which incidentally is the best value box set GW ever made and should be rushed back into production immediately) by my girlfriend.
In my naivety I assembled most of them with weapon configurations that were a bit rubbish but was generally happy with the resulting look of my newly turned renegades. On entering what was (at the time) my FLGS I was given a brief overview of the rules and 'enjoyed' my first crushing defeat. And then I had my first meeting with what I later came to know was a 'Fluff Nazi'. The conversation went something like this...

Him - "Your using Space Marines?"
Me - "No they're Chaos Space Marines"
Him - "Your using the wrong models"
Me -"No, I'm not"
Him - "They're not Chaos Space Marines"
Me -"Yes they are..."

The conversation went on in this vein for a while. At the point that I grew weary of this individual I gave him a look that managed to say 'The only thing keeping you alive right now is the number of witnesses' and he went away. However, unknown to me was the fact that he was not a unique unit...


Monday, December 20, 2010

New Member Monday: This Ain't No Dry Cough

Good news, everyone.  I didn't die of tuberculosis! Plus, I got to see Tron: Legacy one and a half times.  Wewt.

This guy looks like he's packing about one and a half trons as well.
With that out of the way, let me introduce the House of Paincakes three newest and coolest members:

New Member Monday
Colonel Shofer's Mild OCD Model Blog
Keywords: Too old for promotion, Painting, Modeling, Warhams.. Privateer Press.. wolves... horcruxes?

Terran Forge
Keywords: 40k, 40k painting, 40k modeling, 401k

The Wargate
Keywords: Warhammer Fantasy, Warhammer 40,000, Necromunda, Mordheim, Lord of the Rings Strategy Battle Game, D20, D&D, World of Darkness

And now a winning essay.  It was a tough call and even though The Wargate took the time to make a list of proper keywords (a task this disease addled author appreciates), the essay win has to go to Colonel Shofer:

Do me, do me now.

Thank you.


Sunday, December 19, 2010

[Weekly Whimsy] Lola is My Lady

[Welcome to Weekly Whimsy! Lovely, lethal, long loved- Lola; angel of annihilation. Also, actively analyzing the adoration of armies.]

swing swing swing
chop chop chop

My axe is my buddy
- ICP, My Axe

Earlier this week, the talented J Croxford was featured on FTW's Top ten for this lovely piece:

Seeing it really struck a chord with me. I had forgotten what originally drew me to Khador and their frozen wastelands, their harsh women, and their furry hats. I'd forgotten all about Lola.

Lola originally caught my eye, and then I was drawn to her faithful escort, Butcher. His manic, brutal mien was as alluring as her strong lines and great curves. I knew the moment I saw those two, I was hooked. 


Friday, December 17, 2010

User Content Friday - Better Playtesting: Running The Gauntlet

Nikephoros has been dropping some excellent science about better playtesting over the last month.  In short - we're doing it wrong.  In any case, the HoP is proud to present the first in what will, hopefully, be a longer series over at Bringer of Victory Be sure to check out part 2 if you dug this.  Oh, and bonus 3++ linkage today so Kirby should be happy.

Like many 40k players, I used to be a competitive Magic the Gathering player, and for a short time I was on the Pro Tour circuit. I never won more money than I spent on the trips, so the whole thing was a losing proposition unless you think of traveling to exotic locations to play Magic as a real vacation. Some do, I don't. Tournaments I got eliminated on Day 1 were usually a blessing in disguise because it gave me a day to go out and sight see the place I spent so much money to travel to.

Pictured: early playtesting efforts
Regardless of my boring life story, there are so many valuable lessons I learned about competitive gaming that can carry over to 40k. The biggest lesson in my mind is playtesting. I've mentioned elsewhere that I seriously doubt anyone playtests enough to get useful quantifiable data to make the right decisions about their army composition. There are two problems that cause this.


Thursday, December 16, 2010

Where in the World Is Lantz- Seriously?

This week's Lantz related post will be decidedly Lantzless, as we didn't hear from him this week :(  Lantz, I hope you're ok and not suffering a slow Tuberculosis related death like Lauby is right now.  So, like over the weekend with the Weekly Whimsy, you're stuck with me, Dethtron.  Ever wonder what I really look like?  I slip photos of myself in all secret like every once and a while, but this will be about the most blatantly full on pic of me ever published here at the HoP....


Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The Weekly Top X: Dat Ass

No clever intro today folks - Brent and I are celebrating the holidays early by having an eggnog chugging contest. every time I stop to write, he sneaks ahead even more. No time to waste.  Onward!

Also, Snoop is judging the contest.
1) Claws and Fists - Arena of Death - The Sanguinor vs The Swarmlord 
John: This reminds me of a special character showdown that was published in White Dwarf so many years ago. I loved it then when I was a wee lad and I love it now with newer and better contenders and better methodology. Dice for the dice throne of Khorne!
John: Also: FIGHT!!!!!!!!
Brent: I agree. This was a cool idea - I’m surprised nobody has thought of it before. My only complaint is there were no pictures to go with it. Even a pic of each model stolen... er, borrowed from the internet would have been great.
John: FIGHT!!!!!!!!!


Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Of Dice and Men...

Dice, those six sided (In the case of 40K anyway) determiners of the fate of the universe…

They have minds of their own you know…and a sick sense of humour...don’t believe me…does this situation sound familiar?

It's for that all-important dice roll, you know the one…that ‘needed to win the game’ die…a two or more is all you need…

Your dice are waiting for their moment. You know the moment I'm talking about. That moment just before you roll when of course somebody will say “Anything but a one”…


Monday, December 13, 2010

User Content... uh... Monday: Dark Eldar Test Schemes

Sorrowshard over at Rant In E Minor painted some super sweet test models for his Dark Eldar army. He then did his damnedest to make sure people knew about how awesome they were. He marched straight into the HoP offices, grabbed Dethtron by his head and said "I'm not going to jail for you or anyone!" Wait, that was Wayne's World... But Sorrowshard did want more people to enjoy his work and as HoP exists as a sort of non-profit pimp, we said "hell yeah!"

Dethtron and Lauby have asked me to give some insight into the process I use to create color schemes for my new armies.

As I feel they are more interested in the creative process than the actual method of army selection Ill just stick with painting methodology for this article.

I usually have a few ideas floating around in my head I'll usually go through the various GW schemes for ideas, trawl the net, art, comics whatever, some ideas just stick and start to grow out of some of that collated stuff.

For Example, the first piece was kinda inspired by the Obsidian rose scheme which was my favorite from the Dex, crossed with some inspirational colour work by MajesticChicken. throw in my own painting style and approach to colour and voila we have a test model.

1st attempt, failure
At this stage depending on how it takes me ill always try and do a decent standard on my test models, as I want to know how good it can really look. I'm trying to convince myself its the shizzle after all. The quicker I can hit what I want/clicks the less painting I have to do, Less painting = good.


New Member Monday: Pizza is Metal

Actual News... Apparently
As soon as we stop reporting that there's no news, we have news:  The HoP writing staff just got international.  GMort has joined the HoP team!  We've re-published a number of his articles over the months and we thought it  time to take things to the next level.  Keep your sleeves rolled up for an additional weekly shot of GMort via the HoP. 

I don't have much else to say about this, except that we're chuffed to bits.  Sooo.... its animated GIF time!


Sunday, December 12, 2010

[Weekly Whimsy] Goes to the Movies

[Welcome to Weekly Whimsy, where Loquacious' lot leaves laid-up.   Lays low, letting libelous logician lasso longhand.]

Shit, alliteration is hard, which is precisely why I wanted to write the intro in the form of a palindrome.... that was until I remembered how hard palindromes are- race car.  'Dethtron what are you doing here?' you may be asking yourself right about now.  Well it seems that Loquacious has taken ill and I have, therefore, asked myself to take up the mantle of gaming's best written female perspective on the net.  Now, I am sad that Lo couldn't pull through enough to scrawl some NyQuil addled musings for us- that would have been pretty amazing- but we'll all have to make do with me for the week.


Friday, December 10, 2010

User Content Friday - Using Unused Units!

Sometimes getting people to volunteer content for Friday is a lot like playing Marco Polo with deaf people.  Sometimes its significantly easier than that.  Nick from IDICBeer hit us up for some pimpin' the other day and we were happy to oblige.  As a kind of twofer, check out Nick's work around for the missing spore pods before jumping in with the food for thought below.

Nick speaking,

So I have previously talked about how playing different scenarios and missions can really change your army, and how Cities of Death really helped my Wulvenkind perform on the table, even with my old Codex. But the best thing about playing something different, is that it can unlock those units that you don't usually play with! And that is what I love about playing Cities of Death...

I have found that it also makes a big difference to my Eldar army as well, allowing me to take advantage of the buildings and scenarios, and getting a different type of list on the table is what it's all about. Here is a peak at my standard 1500 point list for Cities of Death.


Thursday, December 9, 2010

Where in the World is Lantz? - a gLantzing Blow

We've still got plenty of Lantz puns, friends. Plenty.

Lantz still has plenty of pictures too, as it turns out.  Here's one of them now:

Lantz sez: "Next in line for the Crimson Fists' special characters. Joke not appropriate for those under the age of 13."

Lantz, you irreverent rascal!  Is there no line you wont cross?


Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The Weekly Top X: Don't Fight the Feelin'

Today feels like a day for some Rappin 4 Tay. You see, Brent and I finally got our shit back together and its an old-school Top X (or as old school as a 3 month old feature can be).  The post selection is a bit eclectic and the commentary is pipin' hot.  Plus Lo helped out a bunch with our selection process.  Its a Top X super group on top of everything else.  

1) Home of Cadaver - Another Land Raider Storms In
John: You’re back. Good. Now don’t run off this time, we’ve got a lot to cover.
Brent: Man, I don’t know where that came from! I’m here, aren’t I? Anyway, this post was on my shortlist too - beautiful, crisp work, and it’s well worth gawking over.
John: That Land Raider is definitely tankin’ like a BOSS. One of the interesting thing about tanks in general is that due to their size, a lot of the techniques one would use to paint a single trooper can’t be used in exactly the same way. It has a lot to do the sheer size of a model like this - large flat areas and a ton of detail. On the other hand, there are a lot of things you can do on a tank that just don’t work well on your little mans. What I’m specifically talking about is how Cadaver used weathering and chipping techniques as stand ins for line highlights. Its simple and effective way to break up the lines of the tank and give it some character while sidestepping the all to frequently cartoony look that can happen with line highlights. Cadaver has done a simply - and I’m going to get a bit Limey here - splendid job on this beastie.

See, 'cause its a godhammer pattern LR.


Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Dethtron's Imperial Armour 8 Elysian Codex Review- Heavy Support

Sadly we've now come to the very end of this- the least read, swearingest codex review of all time.  Hopefully those of you who have read this have gotten inspired or at least been able to see the wonderful job Forge World did in creating their first list in the history of the universe to actually feel like it might be balanced and suitable for wider play than just games for funsies with your pals.


Monday, December 6, 2010

New Member Monday - Let's Have a Threesome

After having done a large number of these Monday Updates, I've come to two important realizations.

1)  I just plain don't like squash
2)  There are only so many ways Dethtron and I can humorously describe that we have no news to report.

So, unless there's actual HoP related news to share, we're just going to call it New Member Monday and give the new guys a bit more attention.

New Member Monday

Dice Rolla -
Keywords:   Warhammer Fantasy, Warhammer 40k, Warmachine/Hordes, de bellis antiquitatis, The Simpsons, Book Reviews, Travel, Terrain Building, AAAC

Chaos Kingdoms
Keywords:   Warhammer Fantasy, Warhammer 40, Battletech, D20, miniatures, mods, painting, gaming, etc....

From the Fang
Keywords:   40k Space Wolves

Now, since Monday's will be short, it's time to make those essays count.  From now on, the best application essay from the bunch gets posted.  Papa JJ from Dice Rolla is this weeks funniest author:

Congratulations on the burgeoning success of your blog community. I am happy to report today it reaches the pinnacle of accomplishment as I, God’s gift to the internet, seek admission to your network’s blogrolls. I believe the inclusion of my blog, diceRolla, will prove to be a great coup for the House of Paincakes, the reasons for which I am prepared to detail for you in a manner completely devoid of pomp or hyperbole.

My innovative painting style puts Golden Daemon winners to shame and has even inspired a series of articles at Laubersheimer Industries. My tactical and list building advice provides a foundation for imitators the world over, including YTTH and 3++ is the new black, prompting their authors to send me daily emails asking for help. My battle reports are more epic than The Iliad. Dethtron even had to coin a new phrase in order to adequately describe my gaming prowess, AAAC, which means, “Awesome At All Costs.” In short, I have had more impact on our hobby in a year and a half of blogging than the other JJ has had after decades of designing games.

But diceRolla is so much more than just the most valuable gaming resource on the...

YUCK! Even joking around that’s more internet bluster than I can muster. I admit there is nothing groundbreaking about my painting and I’ve not yet written a single battle report for my website. Further only someone truly desperate would seek my advice on tactics or army lists, and a sense of propriety precludes me from offering any out of consideration for my dismal win-loss records. Even Jervis Johnson has accused me of peddling meritless articles, and that’s really something coming from him.

I like writing for my blog and other people seem to be enjoying it as well, but I certainly do not consider myself God’s gift to the internet. I nonetheless think I would be a good member for your online community and would strive to my utmost ability to contribute in a positive way. On most days I’ve got a cheerful disposition which I think is reflected in my approach to blogging and I try to offer support and encouragement to those who share my passion for the hobby. While that may not be a terribly exciting prospect for many in your network, I do very much look forward to engaging with your associate members and having some fun.

A much more fun Monday, I think.  I look forward to getting some feedback - mad props or otherwise.  - Lauby


Sunday, December 5, 2010

[Weekly Whimsy] Lexicon

[Welcome to Weekly Whimsy! Loquacious' love of language laid low.]

Do You Even Understand The Words Coming Out of My Mouth? - Chris Tucker, Rush Hour 


I am very purposeful and pay close attention to intent when I chose my words. Some days, I am a lot more casual and off the cuff, and others I'm much more deliberate. I'm always aware of what the words I am using mean, even if it's a simple complement, or a quick one-liner. I'm especially careful when talking about myself in regards to gender.

I was given a challenge a while ago to find a single word that one could use to describe "women" without the word having reference to or connection with "men".

As a student of words, meaning, history and how they fit together, this was a pretty interesting challenge. I started a collection of words commonly (and sometimes not so commonly) used to describe the female kind and started taking notes. By using Webster's, Roget's, Bartlet's and a few other (more obscure) resources, I have a pretty comprehensive list here.

[An important comment on sexism here: I'm specifically and deliberately talking in a fairly "binary"sort of way on this post merely because it's expedient. I have no grudge or disdain for the trans community, and I am not trying to leave them out of any future conversations; just this one.]

Also, this post is intended mostly as a tool for discussion from all comers, and really has less relevance to the gaming community than my past entries- but it's a subject I find truly fascinating. I thrive on the intellectual considerations behind the words we choose, and hope that by considering this, I can bring some illumination and introspection to the way we interact with each other.


Friday, December 3, 2010

User Content Friday - Playing to (Almost) Win

When Dethtron and I started this thing called HoP, a major part of our conceptual framework was the idea of inclusiveness.  Be it different game systems, languages, play styles or even level of abilities we wanted HoP to be a place for EVERYONE.  Above all though, we wanted to make sure the entire spectrum between WAAC and FAAC is represented.  Because in truth, we believe that most gamers are somewhere in the middle and, at their core, just want to have a good game.  Enter Gmort and his secret recipe Chaotica: 

I have a reasonably well-deserved reputation for being good at 40K. I’m pretty good at optimising lists and can get the best out of most armies. I also enjoy winning (Don't we all?), as I am a very competitive person by nature.

There is one thing I enjoy almost as much as winning though…and that’s almost winning.

However the most fun of all comes from...almost losing.

That last statement probably requires some explanation.


Thursday, December 2, 2010

Where in the World is Lantz? - Strangers From Foreign Lantz

So, it turns out that creating a Lantz post is extremely hard after we missed last week and after my own six-day internet drought.

I think I've managed to piece things together.

First up - Lantz:

Lantz sez:  "This is what happens when I lose a game. Every. Time. I don't have a lot of friends..."

Second - Lauby (since there seems to be some confusion):
Please note that I am a completely separate person.


Wednesday, December 1, 2010

The Weekly Top X - Most of Your Base are Belong to Lauby

America's wang...  hahaha.  How does Dethtron come up with that stuff?  Amirite, Brent?  Brent?


Looks like I'm riding solo.  Well, that's what happens when you fail to ask for an extra day off from work so you can get settled down from your six day vacation and then forget to make Top X selections until the last possible minute, all the while relying on a talented but increasingly busy pool of people.  This sentence brought to you by Auretious Taak.  Oh well, its good for the soul and a great way to get back in the grove of running the best breakfast- food joke-titled blog in ze verld.

Harrison Ford is not impressed with my visual pun


Monday, November 29, 2010

Cyber Monday Update

With Lauby still out traveling around America's wang (aka Florida) for the Thanksgiving holiday, it has fallen on me to tell you that there are no major updates and goings on at the moment here at Paincakes central.


Sunday, November 28, 2010

Weekly Whimsy- Show Some Skin

[Welcome to Weekly Whimsy! Making a minor change this week. Going to paint pictures with pictures today, rather than words.]

Show Your Scars- Metallica, Broken, Beaten & Scarred

Tattoos have become more and more commonplace in society lately. With shows like Miami and LA Ink, we've been expose to the business of the trade and seen the many varied stripes of folks that pursue  modification of their bodies. With Kat Von D and Jesse James appearing as top gossip fodder in tabloids, and style magazines devoting sections to celebrity skin, American culture has begun to see ink as common place.

It used to be that ink was reserved for felons and fighters (ie, soldiers of some type). Now markings and color have crossed into safe territory, and we're seeing things like this regularly:

I don't really mind a well done tramp stamp- it's kind of refreshing in comparison to the many ill-considered permanent additions to a person I've seen.