Funny Things


Friday, August 29, 2014

[Surprise Attack!] Live From Nova: Pre-gaming Thursday

What is up, players. Boy do we have treats for you today. We got some leaks, some shitty photos, some more leaks, some more shitty photos. It's a one-two punch of awesome, over and over again. There's even a chocolate fountain. Time is short and drinks are flowing, so it's a quick hit-and-run from me today.

Trillion-player 40K Tourney? Count me out. 

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

[Musings of a Game Store Owner] Like A Boss Part 2

Last week, I entertained several questions from Emperor Laeroth. He has been hinting about wanting to open a store for a long time, and it seems like he's looking at it seriously this time.


The Mighty Emperor has called me, and I answer his demands. I have outlined my responses to his questions, but he discerns that I could answer further. Those replies are below.




Tuesday, August 26, 2014

[Surprise Attack!] Road to NOVA Part III

Final test drive before NOVA is against Nemesis Bart, one of my local players.

Bart has declared himself to be my nemesis, I have no choice in the matter. He likes to send text messages like "you're going down, son" the nights before we play. Which is fine, everyone needs one, and Bart's Combined Army troops make a great grudge match for my Ariadnans. I have only myself to blame, since I taught him the game and have been trying to wean him off Warhammer Fantasy for a long time.

The trouble is our schedules rarely overlap, so when I got back home and we found out we had a mutual day of leisure the gloves came off and we threw down at his house while his roommate and friends watched/heckled.  It was dark in the corner we played in, so until  we wised up and brought a table lamp over I had to use a lot of flash on the camera phone. My apologies in advance, but not really, because I'm evil and evil never apologizes. On the plus side, we weren't under any time constraints so I set up a table full of my industrial stuff and made sure to take lots of pictures. Yeah, it's a pic heavy post so careful with your data plan if you're on a mobile device. Also note that it was a 6x4, so we used some Warhammer terrain to delineate an edge and make it 4x4 (that chaos looking stuff on the left side).

Since we hadn't seen each other in a couple months, and Bart had just gotten off work, we took some time to unwind and catch up on life or whatever, then after a few beers we were rowdy enough to throw down.

Cooooooooooooo-braaaaaaaaa! Attack!

Sunday, August 24, 2014

GW Is Man-Handling My Buttocks Again


The hour is late, and the creature's den is dark. 
The only light in the room is the softly diffused glow of a computer monitor, a gentle square of illumination highlighting the thick clouds of smoke curling and shifting about. Amorphous tendrils of haze, thick and dense at ceiling height yet thinning towards the floor, waft slowly around the room. The pungent smelling vapors obscure the creature and it's computer monitor tucked away in the corner.
Even the opaque fumes cannot disguise the fact that the creature is far from human. Tentacles jut from seemingly random locations all over the creatures body, then retract with a soft sucking sound, leaving strangely colored secretions glistening in their wake. Stalk-mounted appendages bearing multi-lensed orbs sprout from above an over sized maw filled with multiple rows of razor sharp teeth and dozens of forked, snake-like tongues.
The creature is not from this world, it's from elsewhere. It is alien. 
It is Xenos.

The Xeno is neither still nor silent. It emits soft grunts that sound almost pleasurable, like some kind of Terran Bovine in heat. Several of its tentacles are making rhythmic motions down low on its torso. Every one of its stalk-mounted occular appendages gazes intently at the image on the screen, the multifaceted orbs glowing with nefarious alien desires.
It's grunting louder now, the rhythmic tentacles moving furiously. The sound of dripping secretions become splashes as some sort of sick crescendo reaches its disgusting peak.

*He was touching himself right there, yer Honor*

A squeaky, questioning voice brings the entire twisted proceeding to a screeching halt.
'Hey. Watcha doin'?'

Moving faster than any Terran technology could record or even register, the Xeno leaps into desperate action, tucking tentacles and appendages away, closing tabs in its computer browser and hastily stuffing pages and pages of paper into a drawer.
Every page is covered in the crazed scrawlings of a lunatic. The heading at the top of every page reads 'FortyKay Armee List Thingy.'

Friday, August 22, 2014

[Confessions of an English Zombie Fancier] Doing Demo Games All Wrong

I come with glad tidings and good news, my dears: I don't hate Warmachine this week.

The decision to drop out of the Journeyman league (run the same caster and list, week in week out, against all comers - what was I thinking?) and return to the CWG has been a good one, since this week saw a demo game which taught Corehammer's Stuart the meanest machinery of the game and the awesome potential of the Iron Lich. By the end of the game Stuart had racked up soul tokens on the Lich, salvaged a gun with Cankerworm, and... in fact... done better with him than I generally do (though I was pleased to see him adopt my teleport-into-melee-for-DEF-19 trick).

Photos of the actual game? Of course not. Here's my painted Iron Lich and associates though.
What I'd like to talk about this week is how I approach Warmahordes demos. I do so in a way that would have an actual Press Ganger weeping into his standard issue Privateer Press beard, but which - I think - is calculated to introduce the game more honestly and effectively than the usual "get yer battlebox out" experience.

For one thing, I don't use the battleboxes.